I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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