I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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