Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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