She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
