Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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