You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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