I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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