Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
