i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
