the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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