Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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