Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
