she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize