she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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