the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
