I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
