This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
