He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
