Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
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