well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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