im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
