it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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