Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
