There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
