just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.