so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else