If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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