i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
