i think i recognize dicks better than faces
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
