tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
