We should be called the Road Head Warriors
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
