well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
