For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
