I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
