is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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