i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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