My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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