I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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