dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
