im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
