Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
