I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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