I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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