im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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