i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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