I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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