some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
