we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
