I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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