I look better un-naked...
organizing the empties. That sober.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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