Can i not drive my cunt home
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Two words: nipple clamps
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