dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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