So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
