Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
