I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
