I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
This house was built for laser tag.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
