my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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