you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I love you.
Bad choice
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
