If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
