wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
did you just send me my own nude
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
