I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Who died my cat blue again?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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