I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
