she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
