stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
