i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
