I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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